We Need a National Ballroom

There comes a moment in every great nation's history when it must ask itself a hard question. A question that cuts to the very soul of civilised society. A question upon which the prosperity, dignity, and international standing of the entire country depends. That question is: do we have enough ballroom? The answer, and we say this with the gravest possible solemnity, is no. Emphatically, heartbreakingly, embarrassingly no. We have looked at our current event spaces and found them wanting. The chandeliers are merely adequate. The gold accents are, if we are being honest, silver at best. Foreign dignitaries have reportedly suppressed smirks. One ambassador (we shall not name which country) was overheard using the word "cosy." Cosy. This ends now.

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