Eight Truths About Long-Term Desire, According to Esther Perel’s ‘Mating in Captivity’
Esther Perel's book 'Mating in Captivity' explores the complexities of long-term desire in relationships. The book emphasizes the balance between connection and separateness as crucial for maintaining passion. Perel's insights remain relevant today, highlighting the importance of individuality and the illusion of certainty in partnerships.
- ▪Esther Perel distinguishes between 'romantics' and 'realists' in relationships.
- ▪She argues that security in long-term relationships is an illusion and that embracing uncertainty can help maintain desire.
- ▪Perel suggests that good intimacy does not always lead to good sex, and couples should cultivate their individual identities.
Opening excerpt (first ~120 words) tap to expand
BooksEight Truths About Long-Term Desire, According to Esther Perel’s Mating in CaptivityBy Daisy JonesMay 26, 2026Egon Schiele, The Embrace, 1917.Photo: Getty ImagesSave StorySave this storySave StorySave this storyAsk yourself who the most famous living psychologist is right now, and you’d probably land on Esther Perel. Her podcast, Where Should We Begin?, in which she speaks to one couple per episode in an attempt to untangle some central issue, has amassed hundreds of thousands of listeners. Her two Ted Talks, 2013’s “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship” and 2015’s “Rethinking infidelity,” have garnered a combined 40 million views. But it’s her 2006 book Mating in Captivity, a New York Times bestseller, that is one of her most defining and oft-referenced works.
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Excerpt limited to ~120 words for fair-use compliance. The full article is at Vogue.
