I Need to Put a Moratorium on Sex With My Husband. But I’m Not Sure What Comes Next.
The writer, who recently realized they are nonbinary, is experiencing dysphoria around having sex with their husband and is questioning their attraction to men despite identifying as bisexual. They are considering a moratorium on sex in their marriage while they navigate their evolving identity and sexuality, feeling torn between fear of damaging their relationship and fear of long-term dissatisfaction. Therapy has helped, but they seek guidance on whether and how to reconcile their changing sense of self with their marriage and sexual desires.
- ▪The writer identifies as nonbinary and has begun to experience dysphoria during sexual intimacy with their husband.
- ▪They still feel abstract attraction to men but primarily fantasize about sex with women, which complicates their current marriage.
- ▪Their husband is heterosexual and continues to see them as a femme woman, a perception that hasn't shifted since their gender identity revelation.
- ▪The writer is considering a temporary halt to sex in their marriage while they explore their identity and sexuality without a clear game plan.
- ▪Experts caution against trying to force attraction and suggest exploring desire on a case-by-case basis rather than through rigid labels.
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How to Do It I Need to Put a Moratorium on Sex With My Husband. But I’m Not Sure What Comes Next. I don’t have a game plan. Advice by Jessica Stoya April 28, 202612:30 PM Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Wirestock/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Copy Link Share Share Comment Copy Link Share Share Comment How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, A few months ago, I realized that I was nonbinary instead of a cis woman. Since then, a lot of aspects of my sexuality have come into question and been discovered (realizing certain kinks, for example). Recently, I have started to struggle with my attraction to men. I have always identified as bisexual, but sex with my husband has been leaving me dysphoric.
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