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Nation Begs Frozen Fruit Companies To Keep The Giant Flavorless Blackberries Coming

The Onion Staff· ·1 min read · 0 reactions · 0 comments · 32 views
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Nation Begs Frozen Fruit Companies To Keep The Giant Flavorless Blackberries Coming
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Americans have expressed a strong desire for more giant flavorless blackberries from frozen fruit companies. Residents across the nation are requesting these bland, icy treats, emphasizing their preference for size and lack of sweetness. The demand highlights a peculiar trend in consumer tastes for frozen fruit products.

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The Onion · The Onion Staff
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News Nation Begs Frozen Fruit Companies To Keep The Giant Flavorless Blackberries Coming Share Share on Facebook Share on X Share on Bluesky Share on LinkedIn Share on SMS Share on WhatsApp Email this Page Published: May 21, 2026 WASHINGTON—Stressing that they couldn’t get enough of the bland icy husks that crumble apart in their mouths, the American people reportedly begged frozen fruit companies this week to keep the giant flavorless blackberries coming. “If you can keep making bags of ice-caked blackberries with no taste whatsoever, we’ll take everything you got,” said Nevada resident Conner Morris, echoing the sentiment of all 340 million Americans as he revealed their strong desire to eat nothing but bitter, frosty blackberries the size of golf balls for the rest of their lives.

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