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Misc news.

A mix of headlines that don't fit a single bucket — everything else worth reading, in chronological order.

THE ONION

White House Doctor Claims Trump A Perfectly Healthy 9-Foot-Tall 35-Year Old

6/3/2026 · 21 views
THE ONION

‘Victens Wemponyaga,’ Begins Promising Kendrick Perkins Sentence

6/3/2026 · 18 views
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New Harry Styles Tour Merch Includes Perimenopause Supplements

5/29/2026 · 18 views
EXPLAIN XKCD

3252: Ancestral Genomes

5/29/2026 · 18 views
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Pope Releases Encyclical On Perils Of Disney’s ‘Star Wars’ Strategy

5/29/2026 · 20 views
EXPLAIN XKCD

3251: Time Machine Conversation

5/27/2026 · 25 views
THE ONION

Trump Boasts Annual Physical Turned Up No Signs Of Pedophilia

5/27/2026 · 21 views
THE ONION

Grandma Demoted To Sippy Cup

5/26/2026 · 15 views
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H&R Block Location Mistaken For ‘Backrooms’ Fan Event

5/26/2026 · 18 views
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All About That Lace

5/26/2026 · 22 views
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Harvard Caps Number Of A Grades

5/26/2026 · 20 views
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Player Profile: Jannik Sinner

5/26/2026 · 21 views
EXPLAIN XKCD

3250: Flag Design

5/25/2026 · 21 views
THE ONION

Nation’s Simple-Minded Bumpkins Announce They Don’t Mean No Harm To Nobody

5/25/2026 · 17 views
THE ONION

Park Gazebo Celebrates 20th Year Without A Sober Person Inside It

5/25/2026 · 18 views
THE ONION

Democrats Release 2024 Election Autopsy

5/23/2026 · 20 views
EXPLAIN XKCD

3249: Neutrino Project

5/22/2026 · 18 views
THE ONION

Ob-Gyn Warns Alex Cooper To Avoid Public Feuds In First Trimester

5/22/2026 · 19 views
THE ONION

Cruel Stage Mom Shoves 100 Milligrams Of Adderall Down Grogu’s Throat

5/22/2026 · 16 views
THE ONION

Chase Reminds Customers To Only Share Banking Information With People Who Seem Nice

5/22/2026 · 17 views
THE ONION

Student Council Treasurer’s Deepest Convictions Tested By Access To $52 In Singles

5/21/2026 · 19 views
THE ONION

Kyle Richards Menacingly Circles ‘Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives’ Spinoff Shoot

5/21/2026 · 22 views
THE ONION

The Iran War By The Numbers

5/21/2026 · 19 views
THE ONION

Nation Begs Frozen Fruit Companies To Keep The Giant Flavorless Blackberries Coming

5/21/2026 · 15 views
EXPLAIN XKCD

3248: 182.8 Meters

5/21/2026 · 25 views
THE ONION

Alex Honnold Has Panic Attack At Top Of Step Ladder

5/20/2026 · 27 views
THE ONION

Rawlings Donates 50,000 Baseball Gloves To Ukrainian War Effort

5/20/2026 · 11 views
THE ONION

Study Finds Gen Z Adults Moving Home For Better Access To Triscuits

5/20/2026 · 20 views
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Squirrel Unaware He Embroiled In Months-Long Feud With Homeowner

5/20/2026 · 18 views
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Bobby Hanlon

5/20/2026 · 13 views
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BTS Fans Warned Flash Photography Will Trigger J-Hope’s Assassination Protocol

5/19/2026 · 16 views
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Terrified Introvert One Away From Bingo

5/19/2026 · 15 views
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Calves and Have-Nots

5/19/2026 · 12 views
EXPLAIN XKCD

3247: Particle Census

5/18/2026 · 20 views
THE ONION

JD Vance Disavows Trump’s Handling Of Iran War As Brilliant Strategy By An Impeccable Genius

5/18/2026 · 18 views
THE ONION

Financial Experts Recommend Putting Tax Return Toward Dream Sandwich

5/18/2026 · 14 views
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Respect For Friend Drops After Reading Book They Recommended

5/18/2026 · 17 views
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Timeline Of China–Taiwan Relations

5/18/2026 · 13 views
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Kash Patel Goes Snorkeling At Pearl Harbor Memorial

5/18/2026 · 17 views
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Commencement Speaker Addresses Impenetrable Cloud Of Vape Smoke

5/16/2026 · 15 views
THE ONION

Senators Vote To Withhold Own Pay During Government Shutdowns

5/16/2026 · 17 views

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