How Americans Can Disagree Without Becoming Enemies: Five Steps | Opinion

...By Daniel Aaron CohenShareNewsweek is a Trust Project memberSee more of our trusted coverage when you search.Prefer Newsweek on Googleto see more of our trusted coverage when you search.In the wake of yet another act of political violence, many Americans are asking what went wrong. But beneath the headlines lies a quieter, more troubling question: When did we stop seeing each other as fellow citizens—and start seeing one another as enemies?As a pastor and psychotherapist, I’ve been blessed to meet many beautiful souls—people with deeply held political beliefs who struggle to see that those on the other side, with equally passionate convictions, are beautiful too.Looking at America today makes me, at times, want to cry. There is a steady diet of outrage and contempt turns friends, neighbors, co-workers—even family members—into adversaries.Like you, this has affected me personally. I’ve lost one of my dearest friends over political differences.Like you, I sometimes hesitate before bringing up politics, unsure where the person across from me stands.After much reflection, I came to five simple steps each of us can take. They don’t require abandoning your values or stepping away from the issues you care about. They simply ask us to engage one another more thoughtfully—and more humanely.Step 1: Loosen Our LabelsNo one is a Democrat or Republican in the same way we are human beings. We are human first, Americans second, and party affiliation a distant third.Party platforms shift. Coalitions evolve. No one agrees with every position on their “side.” The moment we reduce someone to a label, we shrink a complicated human being into a slogan.Remembering this helps us see those on the other side not as clones of Donald Trump or Joe Biden, but as fellow citizens with different ideas about how this country should be run.Step 2: Recognize That a 'Right' Needs a 'Left'—and Vice VersaNo healthy marriage begins with two identical people. Dreamers need realists to keep them grounded. Realists need dreamers to imagine what’s possible.Nations work the same way. We cannot be so focused on helping others abroad that we neglect our own borders and interests. Nor can we protect our interests so fiercely that we forget the ideals this country was founded upon.As a therapist—and a Jewish man married over two decades to a Jamaican woman—I know that differences can be frustrating. But they can also be strengthening. America is, in many ways, a marriage of competing visions. Silence one side, and we weaken ourselves. Work together, and we become far more effective.But if we need each other, we must learn to see each other clearly.Step 3: Stop Seeing Each Other in Black and WhiteThe human brain loves simplicity. It sorts people into “good” or “bad” depending on how we feel in the moment.Let someone you like look at you the wrong way and watch how quickly your inner lawyer begins building a case against them—turning a friend into a foe.Our political environment amplifies this tendency. Headlines, sound bites, and social media feeds make it easy to believe that those on the other side are little more than extensions of the politicians they voted for.They are not. They are individuals—complex, contradictory, and often far more reasonable than we imagine.And if our minds can turn ordinary people into villains, they can also learn to see them differently.Step 4: Listen When We’d Rather ShoutAs a pastor and psychotherapist, I’ve learned that listening is often more…

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